MY DELIVERANCE

The story behind the song

“I would bleed on those that did not cut me.”

Thinking back to my younger years, especially my teenage years, I would drink a ton and just be a total mess. Crying, reckless, rebellious, problems with boyfriends. I was so lacking in self-awareness of my own emotions, how I was treating myself, my body, and just had such a lack of boundaries.

Which would pour out into messes and drama and heartache.

And that continued into my later years. I was still not taking care of myself, doing more drugs, drinking more, and continuing to wrap the wrong people into my world. Setting myself up for deeper consequences.

And of course, consequences aren’t always only your own. They include someone else, sometimes multiple people. Because we’re all connected.

My daddy touched me when I was a little baby girl.

Growing up in the midst of drugs and chaos, I didn’t have a father who gave me any kind of healthy foundation for boundaries. The father I had ripped away any ounce of knowing what boundaries should even look like.

And for a long time, I didn’t understand how deeply that had affected me.

I felt strong. Hard, even. But deep down, I knew there were things I needed to heal.

I started understanding more of that during my New Age years, working with spiritual healers, doing inner-child healing, learning about the mind and how childhood trauma affects us.

I started realizing that my dad was a human too. Someone who had likely experienced his own pain and abuse and hadn’t healed.

And I began understanding why I had allowed so many things into my life that shouldn’t have been acceptable.

I would take what I could get.

Whatever came toward me, I would agree to it rather than holding higher standards. Even when I thought my standards had finally gotten higher, things would happen that were clearly hurtful, with obvious red flags, and I would still stay.

Eventually, I ended up in one of the more terrible relationships of my life.

I felt powerless. Stuck. Defeated and alone. There was always a power struggle, and I began becoming more angry, more resentful, just pissed off and hating the person.

But I still had this feeling that I was meant for bigger things.

Then I had my son.

And everything started changing.

More believers started coming into my life. People praying for me, praying over me, inviting me into ministry settings, and eventually church.

I got saved in 2018, although it took me multiple years to really go all in, let everything else go, and choose to follow Jesus.

And something else was happening.

Ever since I was a little girl, I wanted to be 30 years old. Not 18. Not 21. Thirty.

I just had this knowing that my life would begin then.

And here I was, approaching 30, still in this relationship, feeling like there was no possible way I could continue living like this.

I was getting scary skinny. I was postpartum. My son was little. And I felt like I was going to die in that relationship.

I didn’t really know God’s voice yet, but I felt like He was telling me I couldn’t stay.

A woman in my growing Christian community, who was going through something similar, sent me an article about narcissistic behavior and how to communicate with someone exhibiting those patterns. Or really, how not to communicate so much.

Stop explaining yourself. Stop engaging in every argument. Make your decisions.

Something shifted in me almost overnight.

I’ve always been pretty stealth-like. I can move swiftly and quietly when I need to.

I packed my car and made my decision.

I refused to let leaving with my son turn into chaos. I had already experienced that as a little girl, with cops being called and never going back to my dad’s.

I didn’t want that for him.

Just a couple of weeks before my 30th birthday, I left and went to live with my mom. Something I really didn’t want to have to do, especially because we had our own relationship that needed healing.

But I left.

And during those early days of finding Jesus, I had also begun attending a prayer and ministry group at the home of the woman I now call my spiritual mama.

We would worship, listen to teachings and testimonies, pray over each other. They believed in the gifts of the Spirit, fivefold ministry, and deliverance.

Sometimes something would just break me open.

I would be standing or sitting, receiving prayer, and end up on the floor. Deep, guttural crying. My body moving and wiggling around, almost like a snake at times. People laying hands on me, praying, breaking curses, addressing repentance, sin, and generational things.

I didn’t fully understand what was happening.

I just wanted to be done.

Get out of me.

Looking back now, with more years of ministry experience, I recognize those times as part of my deliverance.

And then there was the name of Jesus.

Everyone around me would be praying, saying His name, thanking Him. But I just wouldn’t say it.

After a few visits, my spiritual mama stood me up and looked straight into my face, eye to eye.

She told me to say His name.

And I couldn’t.

I physically struggled to open my mouth and say Jesus. Almost like there were chains around my neck.

They continued praying for me.

And finally, I said His name.

Jesus.

It seems like ever since then, the floodgates have just continued opening. More understanding, more love, more freedom, and eventually being able to minister to others.

But forgiveness was another huge part of this journey.

I had already begun working through forgiveness during those earlier healing years. I learned to look at my father as someone who had once been a small child himself. Someone who had experienced pain too.

And that doesn’t mean what happened was okay.

It doesn’t.

But I began understanding that holding on to all of that wasn’t changing what happened. It was continuing to hurt me.

Like drinking the poison and waiting for the other person to die.

As I grew in my relationship with Jesus, I began understanding forgiveness in a deeper way. Laying people down at the foot of the cross. Releasing them. Letting God do the work in them and in us.

I believe forgiveness breaks off an access point to the enemy.

And if Jesus could forgive the people who put Him on the cross, how dare we refuse to examine our own unforgiveness?

Fast-forward several years.

Earlier in 2026, after experiencing a miscarriage, I began longing for something I had really missed from my old life.

Dance music.

Movement. Energy. That whole experience.

But I couldn’t go back to the same scenes and lyrics I had once surrounded myself with.

I started asking the Lord to bring more of that music into my life.

And suddenly, I was stumbling across song after song. Fun, energetic praise and worship music that I could actually dance to.

I was so excited.

And I share a lot. Making videos comes pretty easily to me, so naturally I started sharing these songs, singing along, dancing, making little videos.

Then Matthew Shell found one of my videos and thought the song was mine.

It wasn’t!

But he reached out anyway, sent me a track he’d made, and asked if I wanted to collaborate.

And suddenly, I was writing music.

The words came so easily. We started making songs, going back and forth, figuring everything out as we went.

It all happened so fast.

I had written Darkness Falls before My Deliverance, but we decided My Deliverance should be the first single released.

I knew my testimony was powerful. People had told me that for years. And I believe testimonies are meant to be shared.

We go through tests, learn things, find freedom, and pass that knowledge on.

Free people free people.

So I began putting my testimony into lyrics.

And Matthew brought those words to life.

The first time I heard the finished music, I was undone.

Especially listening in the car. Something about hearing it there made everything feel even more intense.

I cried.

Here I was, becoming an artist. Something I never expected.

And my testimony wasn’t just another sad story where people say, “Oh my gosh, I’m so sorry that happened to you.”

And I respond with some cliché about being stronger now.

It was becoming something else.

Something beautiful was being made out of something so dark.

We released My Deliverance on June 5, 2026.

And now, just a few months later, our music is reaching people around the world.

People message me all day, sharing their own stories, telling me about healing and deliverance they’re experiencing, sharing the songs with friends who don’t even believe in Jesus but love the music.

I have a fan base now.

Which is just weird to even say.

But I’ve always felt there was something more I was meant to do. Not in a prideful, better-than-everyone-else way. I actually struggled with insecurity alongside that feeling.

I just knew there was something bigger.

And now I’m watching what I believe God can do with a story that once carried so much pain.

Something sad, something dark, becoming something beautiful, touching people, reviving people.

“I found the power. God wins.”

——————

BEYOND THE WORDS

Some stories are meant to be read. Others are meant to be heard.

I’ll soon be sharing an audio reading of this testimony, with a video version possibly to follow.

Stay close. There’s more beyond the music.